Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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