I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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