Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
