Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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