your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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