i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
