During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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