That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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