I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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