I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
