Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
