Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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