I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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