I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
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dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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