It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
