woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
