he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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