I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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