god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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