Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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