i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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