There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
