Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
