How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
