ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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