and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
