pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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