The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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