Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
