My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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