im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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