found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
