On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
