I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
