great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
