everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
