when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize