Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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