Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
