Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize