Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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