I heard we made out
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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