grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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