The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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