Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Operation Purity has been aborted
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
