From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
