I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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