god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
