i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
