Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
