During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
