just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
