somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've blown a few things in my day
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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