your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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