is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
