he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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