tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
