I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dicks are not precious.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
