I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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