Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
