I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
