Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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