I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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