i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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