oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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