Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
