If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
