And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
