I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
