he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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