well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
