She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
